quiet.

by Hannah

I feel an intense need for peace right now, for quietness. I feel disconnected from my true self, and from my art {is my art who I am…?}

I take pictures, but I don’t feel emotionally connected to them. This is pretty, but it doesn’t reflect where my soul is right now…

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I am haunted more by the past than I’d usually like to admit to myself. I usually say that everything I have experienced that wasn’t so great served to make me stronger, more mature. But it also left me with insecurities that run deep, with fears and with attitudes about myself that affect my life. I don’t like to talk about them, or even think about them much usually, but they’re there. For some reason I am noticing the brokenness lately, and I don’t know how to fix it. I want to be a woman who is confident, and radiates that confidence. I want to know myself better, and I want to learn, eventually, to be accepting of myself, completely. How can I expect to feel accepted by others if I am not able to first accept myself, after all…? Dare I open these doors, closed for so long? Dare I open those old wounds that never healed properly, the ones I just covered and tried to forget? I think I have to…

…… I apologize for the uncustomary heaviness of this post. I almost didn’t hit publish. I almost deleted it. But this is me, right now. Take it or leave it.

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3 Comments to “quiet.”

  1. The other evening I went to comment and then couldn’t because I felt so ill i couldn’t word what i wanted to say to you.

    It made my heart hurt for regarding your past, maybe because i can understand. Your questions; “Dare I open these doors, closed for so long? Dare I open those old wounds that never healed properly, the ones I just covered and tried to forget?” – As difficult as it is, I think you know you need to. i know, with things untouched, hidden or pushed away from my passed, they slowly make their way to the surface overtime. Healing is a process and sometimes that just sucks. I hope you really find the healing you are searching… longing for!

    i’m so glad you hit publish. i appreciate your rawness, your open heart. love you!

  2. I’ve just found your blog but send you good thoughts on this journey. As a past survivor myself I know the territory.

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