finding me. {no.1}

by Hannah

{This is the first installment in a series of posts chronicling my journey toward greater self-awareness and self-acceptance. They may take on different forms, portraits of my life. We’ll see where it leads…}

Who am I…?

self portrait no.2

I am “mama” and “babe”– I am defined in part by my family, and by my love for them that overflows my heart…
but that is not all of me.

I am an artist. I am a visual thinker. I was born into creativity and it is what I do, without some form of it in my life I feel incomplete.

I am a little shy, quiet around people I don’t know well. Part of the reason for that is that I have never been very confident.
I question myself a lot. As a mother, as a wife, as a photographer and as a person.

self portrait no.1

And yet I feel the potential within myself to be better. I guess I am a perfectionist of sorts, and my lack of confidence comes from fear that others are imposing on me the same standards and criticisms I do. I know this is rarely the case though.

I have an ever-running dialogue in my mind. I have been told frequently that I think too much. But I suppose I agree with Descartes– I think, therefore I am. Maybe it’s even more necessary to my being than breathing is, as I think I will still think long after I have stopped breathing.

The things that make me feel the most peace and happiness are not things that money can buy. The voices of birds, gentle breezes and trees and the ocean, good music, beautiful images, and being in the presence of the few people who know me very, very well and still accept me completely.
One day I could be one of those people.

self portrait no.3

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One Comment to “finding me. {no.1}”

  1. Hey Hannah,
    I’m not real sure why I’m replying- just wanting to say something like I appreciate your openness and, yes, it does help realizing that I’m not the only one who feels alone sometimes. Following your blog over the last few months, i never thought you might struggle with depression- you are so full of life! (weird writing this when i guess i really don’t know you at all)… I know my deepest troubles over the past few years have been in relation to Faith, struggling with with the fact that I do not believe what I one did and therefore am not part of that larger community any longer. it’s feeling abandoned but also like a runaway at the same time. Granted, those are the darker moments. Most of the time I just shrug and move on. but i do have a hard time filling that space in my life that used to be church, Jesus, evangelism, etc etc. Anyway, it helps to get it out every once in awhile. I have no idea where you stand on the subject of faith etc. Take care, and I really hope that you know how much life and beauty you bring to a lot of people, even all the way out here in Texas. :)

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